You've Had It
by Evil Pixie
Summary: An alternative 1xR. If you're not sure what that means (because I just made it up) all I can say is take a look... which is lame. Relena wakes up one morning with no idea of what one morning will hold. I call it bittersweet because you just know history w


Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or plot of Gundam Wing. I do, however, own this story. Steal it at risk to your own health *cracks knuckles*  
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Introduction: Relena and Heero is the pairing. It doesn't specifically say that anywhere so I was worried that someone might ask. Just a precaution, you guys are all pretty bright!   
Well, there's very little to say that the fanfiction doesn't make self-explanatory, so sorry..  
R&R please,  
~Jess  
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My Equal  
  
Your chest heaves underneath me and my head lifts up and down with it. It's such a calming motion for a troubled mind, to rise, to fall. Always the same.   
  
I feel the sweat on my face as my concious mind seeps in, I become increasingly aware of the severe warmth and comfort accompanying our twisted limbs. One eye flicks open, just one eye, the other nestles on your torso. Our simple white walls confront me, reflecting the dreaded sunlight from our bedroom window. Why does the sunlight always have to come? Why can't we never wake up and stay in our comfort? Never to know the stickyness of skin? The warmth too perfect to be perfect? Worst of all, the thoughts. Remembering you have to go to work, catching those irritating uneven spaces in the blind, dawning on the fact that, last night, we ended "it".  
  
I'll leave you now, untangle my arms as carefully as possible. Disturbing you would be too much, not now. Yes, it happens every morning, my little routine. Wake up before you to see the sun. Get myself out of bed, slip on a shirt and pants, leave our little blank room, walk out the door and sit by the lake to see the sun rise. I'll come back inside, make two coffees and take one to you. As always, there will be your sweet coffee kiss and a chance to wipe of your cappuchino moustache with my tongue (if I'm lucky). So simple, so rewarding. Scarily I've never wanted anything else. Now I confront that last night you told me you'd had it.   
  
With who? With me. Of course, we've had "it" countless times. Fine, sex wasn't the subject, I remember now. Everything you told me, I've been "dragging you down", forcing you to "Clean up your act" and demolish your "Already strewn beliefs". Do I cry? Yes. Do you? Yeah, you're crying too and it's pain you caused yourself. No, I didn't do that. Who says I even made you hate me? Could I ever tell you that you do it to yourself? Always trying to conjure up ways to wipe out the love inside. The hate's what makes you cry and I could never tell you that before, but I will now.   
  
I love you, surprisingly not the magical three words I've always took them for. No, this is not a "fairytale romance" and we will not be "happy ever after" but you could at least... take me seriously. When I say I love you I mean I love you. I love your hair, I love your skin, I love your soul, I love your eyes, I love the way you make me scream, cry, shout, maybe even smile. Yes, I love you now. As I have always loved you and will never stop. Yet, if there was to be a mirror in this cell, I could show you how scared you look. I'm amazed at how you fear nothing but affection. Kindness sends a shiver down your back and hatred makes you grin.   
  
Do you hate me? You're grinning now and the tears are all gone. Yes, love brings you fear and your anger is a product of your rebelious nature towards the fear that I bring to you. Your anger will always become your hatred. That's why you're grinning at me. You hate me.  
  
The tears block out everything, and I don't miss much. You just sit on the bed while I bawl my eyes out... Yeah, hilarious... There you go again, your thin trickle of a laugh. Do I still love you? Do I still love you now? Yes, I'll never stop loving you, no matter how far you torture me. I feel ashamed, my voice is nothing but a choked sob, fighting to escape my burning throat. Apparently, I can stop crying now. Well, you're wrong, I'll stop crying because I can't cry when you're doing this to me. Yes, my shame's gone now, made way for a raging pride.   
  
The world's still here, and tears won't change a thing. No, don't come near me, I know you'll lose your cool again. Don't take me by the chin, I'm not up for sale. Don't argue with my words, they're stronger than you'll ever realise. Do I love you right now? As I stand with my back to the wall and your eyes set on mine?   
  
Yes, you can't take love away like that.   
  
How did you ever manage to stop loving me? Silence. How? I know you love me. In my soul I know that you're ashamed and you're weak and you're scared. You aren't a perfect soldier, you are a perfect lie and, revelation, you need me as much as I need you. Back away and sit in the corner, why don't you? I'll sit next to you, slump my shoulders and you'll kiss me. Just to acknowledge that we'll always be like this, equals.  
  
Yes, my morning schedule's just begun. I'll take a look outside now, watch the sun come up, make a coffee, earn a kiss, maybe even take a day off work. This is love, right? 


End file.
